The Driveway From Hell

Let's face it. My driveway in Charlotte Vermont was not designed by the Army Corps of Engineers (hmmmm or maybe it WAS...). Winter poses its challenges turning fancy schmancy SUV's into helpless sleds. In my third winter, I've learned a few tricks. But last night, our driveway claimed her first casualty of the ‘07-'08 campaign.

I've known since winter one I must clear the driveway of snow early each morning in the hopes of catching the late day sun's warmth from our western exposure. Works like a charm really. When mother nature cooperates, that is.

Goes like this. Snowblow driveway. Sun melts snow. Spotless driveway! Simple. That's nice! Seems easy. Right?

It's not @#%$!!*&*^%#@!!!.

We lost our first head to head battle last night.

What seemed an innocuous snowfall of 2 wet inches the night before, I mistakenly cleared the driveway by 14:00. Gambled the sun would do my work for me. But by 13:00 (using military nomenclature seems called for here), I could see progress was not being made. Cloud cover and temps just below the freezing mark were foiling The Master Plan. I realized I had to get out there and in a hurry as my son was breaking in our new rec room with hordes of friends later that evening. That meant cars coming over. Big heavy cars that slide fast. Arrrggggggggggh.

Clouds in the western sky cast an ominous pall preventing the necessary drying. My laissez-faire ‘tude was lookin' mighty lame.

As night fell, all was quiet outside. Inside, amidst the din of my son's friends urging on the Patriots, My friend, Jeff, visiting from Fairfax - that's Fairfax Vermont - decided to head home. There was still 5 mins. on the clock so we said hurried goodbyes.

Suddenly, he reappeared looking grim. As he told it, he descended the blocktop. Realized he was in helpless, unstoppable decline down our slippery slope. You know that feeling. You do. Touch the brakes and they're worthless. Antilock, anti skid, four wheel this, Haakapelita's that.

Fagedaboudit!!!

As he slid off the right shoulder accelerating headed toward the perilous dog leg to the left (a notorious graveyard site for many a snazzy car last winter), Jeff realized he was hopelessly aimed dead on the Bullseye of my sleeping Bug convertible quietly parked for the winter at her resting spot at mid driveway at the landing. Pulsing his brakes. Nothing. We all know the sweaty palms feeling and panic that grips us in such moments...

In what must've seemed like an eternity to Jeff , his gas guzzling behemoth SUV stopped in its jack-knifed position within a few feet of the still sleeping and as yet unscathed Bug.

We dug him out as we've done for so many others. (Please let's not recount last year's calamitous Valentine's Day Blizzard driveway carnage AGAIN. Three cars including one state trooper who wishes she had gotten her address right and one tractor plus one of our cars jammed in at the bottom of the driveway.) Last year's names read like a veritable who's who. Jeff, Allie, Celia, Chris, Sam, the Statey (never got her name or her dogs'), and another Chris. And there were others for sure the names escaping me. You know who you are.

I need to adjust strategy now. Another fine tuning is in order. Jeff suggested laughing as he whisked away..."how 'bout a 50 gallon drum filled with sand."

Hey good news. The sun's out at 9:51. We'll be able to get out of here shortly.

In the meantime, I think I'll go out the door and have a slide down the driveway on my boots, Just For Kicks!, before this latest installment melts into memory. I love that magnet on my fridge door which says, "Barn burnt down. Now, I can see the moon."

Stay tuned. Winter's just getting started...

Update...Bulletin...Breaking News!!!

It didn't take long...

01/01.08 4:30 pm - Sixteen and a half hours into the ‘08, Tracy T pulled a spectacular Starsky & Hutch move just above the dog leg left. 4 people shovelling like mad and some crafty driving and his SUV was free at last from The Driveway of No Mercy!